you're standing there, staring, you can't help it. there it is, just as you always imagined it, but not quite the way you thought it would be, hanging limp, lifeless, painted onto the scene it seems, out of place but making sense at the same time.

you turn away and think about that time years ago on this same stretch of sand, good friends, pristine air, water colors straight from a postcard and sand that looks and feels like expensive glass beads prepared for the occasion...it's not the same now.

your feet are stuck, you turn back and nothing's changed. you've got to remember why, why did this happen today instead of a week from now? was there anything you could have done to change it, to prevent, to mitigate? was the water still moving or was that your vision swimming back and forth on the waves while the sea stood up and turned your life inside out?

with a hard swallow you finally walk away, remembering the words your mother spoke on this beach three years ago...it's so vivid, i always thought it was exaggerated but now i see the truth