walking alone through empty streets

soaking up darkness to kill what's inside

bleeding passion

leaving a trail for no one to follow

in rhythms too complex

no jungle echoes my footfalls

no message sent

or received across the miles

i think of nothing but toes

placing five before the others

again and again

noticing no chinese aroma

no kosher deli delights

staring blandly and blindly ahead

there is only me tonight

as passion bleeds onto the walk

and the lights blink behind

talking with noah about salvation was nice this saturday, we had a really good day together, he wants to vid chat on wednesdays and saturdays, he says

jemma and i will take the truck to the farm and do some unpacking i guess, we could do some food shopping if you want us to, or you can do it if you prefer, send me a list if you want us to do it after we pick up isabelle or something

lots goes through my head while driving, nothing much when i'm here in front of the screen, though i suspect that's from lack of habit more than anything, my old solution to that was to write drivel until something came, endless stream of garbage and let you sort out the useful bits

i have never remembered what i've said or written, and i'm always shocked by folks who recall their last letter to me

phone calls with clients i can remember, i believe this says something about my mind, but is it worth considering what it may say, or should i be raking the yard until it's free of debris instead

jemma was not happy today about being left behind and went straight back to bed, the coughing and stuffy head didn't help her mood, i'm sure

since i have nothing to do until after lunch i figured i'd come here and try to remember to write to you once in awhile, but i suspect my thoughts are not as focused as they once had been

guild wars takes a lot of the emotional energy that i cannot focus on you physically and focuses it on time wasting measures, i'm pouring my life down the drain most of the time that i'm playing, and i know i don't understand the difference between needed play and wasting time and energy play, there should be some time apart, especially for us, and there should be some time playing, maybe alone, maybe with the kids, and of course there should be time working and praying and speaking with God, but i think i take all my extra energy and put it into the game that will go away in a few months

once we are both working, we will have so little time together, so much energy will be focused again on working, will we appreciate the time with jemma and isabelle, will we take time for your folks, will we visit karin and lianne and noah and my folks or just sit around here and talk about how busy and how tired we are

it was my plan to learn the history here, to go see things, to be involved in town and in church, to get to know folks, to learn names, to stop and talk on the street, to wave and say hi on the sidewalk and in the store, to know the names of the waitresses and the librarians and the checkout clerks, to smile when i saw your face