we were walking to see you when jemma asked if we could go climbing again tomorrow and isabelle said she'd rather go swimming because she met a really neat orca the other day who had a new calf that was learning to leap out of the water and i didn't know which i preferred

jemma likes the looking down from up high, especially if the cliff surface is straight down, but i tend to pee in my pants with vertigo when i try to do that and i think part of the attraction for her is the look on my face when that happens and she laughs until she cries and then i get to laughing and we end up floating in the air for a few minutes because we can't hang on anymore...but isabelle always prefers swimming, i think she's made friends with about three thousand turtles and sharks and tuna...i don't see what she sees in the tuna, i remember that metallic taste when we used to eat them and i always think of that when i see their scales shining in the sun but i don't think she cares about that so much as i

the orcas always play too rough, i think, but isabelle loves to get thrown, as you well know, and the whales throw best, according to her

when Jesus is with her, playing in the surf, i think he likes to get a couple of orcas together and have them swim just below the surface so there's a nice pressure wave and then he just surfs that wave barefoot, it looks a lot cooler than it sounds because he goes back and forth and around like the jet skis used to do regardless of the direction of the waves, and of course his hair is flying out behind him and he's wearing that un-self-conscious smile he has, almost like the one he has when he's holding a newborn, and isabelle rides on his shoulders, arms out doing her little cheerleader routine and singing at the top of her lungs

i told jemma i didn't think i would want to go climbing again so soon and she said she'd ask the new family across the street because she thought the boy was cute and i said i thought that would be good and though i didn't tell her i knew the boy would agree because i spoke with him yesterday and he seemed to think he and jemma were going to be good friends soon and i thought so too because he hums to himself under his breath just like she does

i like walking with the girls when the stars are out in the afternoon because they always point out the ones they've been to on holiday with their friends and the stories they tell about the plants and animals is always so descriptive and it always reminds me how creative Jesus is, one planet was not enough, he had to make unique ecosystems all over the place, they've told me about at least fifty so far and all those in one corner of the sky

our girls are so funny together...jemma is so much smaller and so delicate but her mind is so sharp and isabelle is more about pragmatism and endurance, stubborn we used to call it, and they compliment each other so nicely when they are planning something, they never disagree, they finish each other's thoughts when they get excited and their eyes sparkle just like yours when you're feeling witty and i love that in them

Jesus is throwing a party and you're invited, and the girls have something special cooked up, i can tell, even though they haven't said anything, so we're coming to get you and show you the dress Jesus picked out for you...i think you'll like it, i know i do

i was flying along and singing because the wind was just chilly enough that i noticed the bumps on my arms and the sky was bright and sharp like those early winter mornings before the air thaws and the crystals are still hanging in the air reflecting random sunlight...i needed to go faster to make my appointment but i wanted also to spend this time with God and this small part of his creation, adoring and admiring and listening for him to say "did you notice this little bit over here..." and laughing with my hair streaming like those models underwater while Jesus was reminding me how he loved me and holding my hand and supporting me in each moment and singing along with me (his voice is a very rich baritone when he sings and he says though he didn't always like everything frank sang he thought that particular version of 'my way' was the best ever recorded on earth -- and let's face it, when Jesus sings 'my way' you have to see the humor in it)

where was i

flying along, thinking about how nice it felt just being there with the three of them, enjoying the sun and the wind and the amazing view along the coastline, i asked Jesus why he made the cliffs like that and how he got the four or five different shades of brown there and he explained it all so simply and so beautifully and i knew there was no way i could relay it to anyone else and i knew he didn't care if anyone else ever saw it and though he didn't say so he might have made it just for that moment between the four of us and i almost cried because when he says i love you you know it's true and you can see the holes in his side and hands and feet and he's so freaking cool...he's grown his hair out since the cross a little, he told me, and he said he likes the way it looks though maybe a bit more waviness would be good because it's getting so thick and i just laugh and laugh and i wonder if he'll have you combing it again like last time we picnicked with him and he smiles that knowing way, teasing me, like when you share a joke with him that i don't get and the two of you are laughing silently at me but i never get mad because i always feel so secure in his love for me

i asked him how NJ was coming and he said the walls were almost finished painting and there were still a few streets that needed pouring and he said the Holy Spirit hadn't really decided which pattern of brick would work best in that neighborhood because there were so many families and they all wanted to enjoy the preferences of their friends over their own and he was thinking of a type of mosaic and i laughed and asked how Zipporah was doing

you were waiting with your feet in the water and the girls climbing an olive tree that looked a thousand years old...i love it when we picnic in the afternoon

it takes time to die alone
each moment stabbing sharp
but lonely eyes don't mind so long
when the dark outside agrees
my mood is more green
than blue
but black always suits
and wild whining engines
never quench anger for long
though squealing girls or tires
and gasping intakes of chrome or flesh
interrupt
i know these games are deadly
but it's the only game i ever bothered to learn
and at morning there'll be scratches
but i'll touch them up again
and azure means sleep
for a moment
perchance to dream
of a green eyed girl who cares
for the contents
not the shell