i was trying to figure out where the girls had gone while you picked out a good atoll and Jesus said he had them over at the waterfall we used to go to in okinawa and you decided we should eat on the steps of the ruins of the monestary, that really long stairway, i can't remember if we counted them or not because i kept laughing about the jim carrey joke on ace ventura

you made a really good salad with that spice we picked up in brazil last month and Jesus brought some crackers that he said Mary used to make back in nazereth and i couldn't think of anything so i got some water from Jim and Becky's place because they're always raving about how good it is but Jesus said he thought the tap water over on brunkly avenue was just as good when he visited last week so i don't know, you know how i never understood water anyway, and we forgot to bring forks so we ate it with our fingers and the crackers were kinda bland but Jesus just smiled and smiled like he was remembering the good through the pain

when you asked him what kind of games he played as a kid he showed us a burro and how if you tie a piece of carrot to the right side of their neck they turn toward it but if you put it on the other side they lie down and roll on the ground and he just thought that was the funniest thing and when he laughs you have to laugh along because his happiness is so infectious

we walked up to the temple and he explained how the some of the builders spent their entire lives working on it even though he kept sending them signs; he never talks about the ones that didn't want him in the end and i know there's no tears and all that but i see how he remembers and i wonder how he deals with it, but of course he's not me and doesn't have my limitations, like you say, he always understands

i asked him about the word grok and he said i should let it go because it had been so troubling to so many and then he explained about romans 7 and Paul's perspective there and how it fit in with 6 and 8 and he tied it back to all the prophets who talked about the stumbling block and he told us a funny story about Peter walking out to his boat on the water when no one was around after pentacost and he explained why Peter and Paul were so different and so effective, how Peter's boldness was always something Jesus cherished in him, and how Paul's mind was so quick to grasp the implications

you said something about finding the girls then and we walked home, knowing he would call them if he wasn't actually with them while he was with us, which is what i always figured he was doing, and you talked about some of the times in china that time we went and thanked Jesus for all the little gifts he gave us then, right when we needed them, it seemed, and he just smiled as you talked and i knew you had something going with him that i couldn't hear at the moment and i wondered if you'd tell me later of if i would understand, but i noticed in your list from china all the things you saw that i hadn't, that we hadn't talked about, how your eye for detail was so much keener than mine, and i loved you

Jemma talked about climbing the waterfall and Isabelle was excited about rock diving or something like that, i might have heard her wrong, it sounded like she had been inside the rocks, hiding from Jemma and noticing all the little places where bugs had been tunneling or something, maybe she was talking about water fractures, i never could keep up with her on the geology thing when she got going, and you and Jemma were busy arranging the flowers for dinner and i sat down and thanked Jesus for spending the afternoon with us and invited him for breakfast because i had a special ingredient i was going to try out in the eggs

how can you see into my eyes
when i'm such a whore
how can i sell my heart again
while you stare cold and plain
how can you stand to see
the filth that lies inside
without the flood without shame
without the final razor's edge
assume there is no pain
assume there is no gain
assume my life is open
though not complete
assume i'll die
assume i'll cry
assume there is no reason
and then just walk away

i keep thinking as i hear new music that i could write like that for you but what we've written is too different...too grave

i have written whimsy at times, though exacting at first for fear, more relaxed as you eased my trepidation, but lately careless and loose, testing limits at least once, and never whimsy for you, only to my own ear

when i lie at night and your ear is full
won't you lie with me again
when i lie at night and your eyes overflow
won't you set me to rights again
when i lie at night with eyes wide shut
won't you set that knife on the table
and tell me why you're leavin' me
you're not so young and blind i think
and not so sweet now that you drink
and not so tall as i once was
though you're no saint and got no flaws
i feel the pain when your eyes meet mine
'cause that knife edge aint so fine